Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy | Melbourne & Online
You might sometimes feel like different parts of you want completely different things.
One part of you wants to speak up, while another tells you to keep the peace. One part wants closeness, while another wants to pull away. You might know that you need to rest, but another part of you insists you keep going.
Parts work offers a way of understanding these different experiences without seeing them as signs that something is wrong with you.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is one approach that works with this idea of “parts” — the different aspects of ourselves that have developed through our experiences and relationships. I draw on IFS and other parts-based approaches in my work, adapting them to you rather than following one model rigidly.
What are “parts”?
Parts are different aspects of your inner experience. They can carry particular emotions, beliefs, memories, needs or ways of responding.
You might notice parts of yourself that:
Push you to achieve, stay in control or keep everything together
Try to keep other people happy or avoid conflict
Become highly self-critical when you feel you've made a mistake
Want to withdraw or shut down when things feel overwhelming
Long for reassurance, closeness or connection
Feel angry about things you've had to put up with
Carry feelings of shame, fear, sadness or not being good enough
These parts often develop for understandable reasons. They may have helped you navigate relationships, environments or experiences at a particular point in your life.
Sometimes, though, a way of responding that once made sense can continue long after the circumstances have changed.
You don't have to get rid of the parts you don't like.
Parts work isn't about getting rid of the parts of yourself that you find difficult.
Instead, we can become curious about them.
What is this part worried might happen? What is it trying to do for you? What does it need you to understand?
This can be particularly helpful when you find yourself caught between competing needs or responses. You might want to set a boundary but feel guilty when you do. You might want to trust someone but find yourself waiting for them to let you down. You might desperately need rest while another part of you tells you that stopping means you're lazy, selfish or falling behind.
Rather than judging these contradictions, we can slow them down and understand what is happening between the different parts of you.
Inner Child & Reparenting
The idea of an inner child is one way of understanding parts that carry younger experiences, emotions or unmet needs.
You might notice something like this when a situation in the present brings up a surprisingly strong reaction. Someone dismisses you and you suddenly feel small or invisible. A partner becomes distant and you feel a powerful fear of being left. Your child's distress brings up anger or helplessness that feels bigger than the moment itself.
Sometimes these reactions connect with earlier experiences of feeling unseen, rejected, responsible for others, or unable to express what you needed.
Inner child work can involve developing a different relationship with these younger parts — one that includes more understanding, compassion, validation and care.
How I work with parts
You don't need to believe that you literally have different “parts” of yourself for this work to be useful. Parts are a way of understanding and exploring your inner experience.
In therapy, we might slow down and notice what happens inside when a particular situation arises. We can explore different feelings, thoughts, impulses and perspectives without judging them or trying to force them away.
Sometimes this involves connecting with a younger part of yourself. Sometimes it involves understanding the part that keeps you functioning, achieving, avoiding or staying in control. Sometimes we simply become curious about an internal conflict that you've never quite understood.
The aim isn't to make every part of you agree. It's to develop a more compassionate and flexible relationship with yourself, so that you have greater choice in how you respond.
Parts work can be used alongside other approaches, including attachment-focused therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy, somatic psychotherapy and EMDR, depending on what is most helpful for you.
Interested in exploring parts work?
If you're curious about whether parts work might be helpful for you, you can get in touch with me via the link below.
From there, you can:
View my current appointment availability
Send an enquiry and tell me a little about what’s bringing you to therapy
Book a free 15-minute phone consultation if you'd like to talk briefly before deciding whether to book
You don't need to know exactly what you want to work on before getting in touch. We can start with a conversation about what's been happening for you and whether working together feels like a good fit.